I am very grateful to JavaRush for instilling a love for Java, providing me with the opportunity to understand the concepts and developed thinking in solving problems. Already at the beginning of the second year, I realized that in terms of a career as a programmer, the university could not offer me anything useful , and I began to actively attend interviews for the Java Junior position, reaching level 27 in JavaRush. Everything would be fine, but over the course of a year I visited 5 different companies, and all five of them left a bitter aftertaste of being fucked)) A couple of examples: Once I was invited to an interview, but it turned out that it was a “general interview ” , The format of which, of course, I was not notified about. 20 of the same misled people came to see him. All this happened in a cramped room, in which, in addition to us, there were employees of this company, loudly deciding their affairs on the phone; At one point I was fed up with all this and decided to turn to a good teacher at the university who had his own company. I asked: “Is there a job? I’m ready to work for free in exchange for experience . ” He said that there is . I come to the office at the scheduled time at 2 o’clock in the afternoon, I ask where the curator is, who was supposed to bring me up to date with the matter, I find him, ask about the progress of the matter, and he says that I should wait until the very teacher from whom I asked comes work. In general, I waited for him until 7 o’clock in the evening, and I thought: “Well, now I’ll finally start working! Has this moment really come!?” . I ask about the tasks, and he says that there is no work yet , come back in a couple of weeks, learn this, learn that... All this happened in the background:
A toxic relationship in which there was a lot of betrayal not on my part at the height of my feelings; Threats of losing a grant at the university;
Clumped together childhood problems, parents discussing divorce, their endless quarrels;
Feelings of unfulfilled duty as the oldest man in one’s family, as well as the oldest man in a generation of relatives. Relatives on my mother’s side more than once recalled “where the head car goes, the rest of the train will go there” ;
Quarrels with relatives on my father’s side through my own fault, after which they kicked me out of their house and we stopped contacting;
Problems with finances due to which I had to get stuck in the crap of bookmakers. The turnover was about $2,000, which I could have withdrawn, but the greed of the friend ruined me. This is for a $50 stipend;
Several attempts to start a serious relationship after those toxic ones, and each time it only resulted in a one-night stand, after which I was safely abandoned;
The losses of the two people closest to my heart: my only and best friend since school, and the girl whom I took for my own sister, abandoned me at the most necessary moment, having previously shredded my already convulsing heart with a rusty penknife ;
The problems that arose because of all this: existentialism, alcoholism, nicotine addiction, an absolute loss of the feeling of happiness, which resulted in a severe form of depression with suicidal tendencies, lasting a year and a half, accompanied by an absolute misunderstanding on the part of those around me.
If anyone has made it this far, please don't take this as a vent. I want to show those in need that they are not alone, and that I understand them like no one else. And this is often the most important thing for people in this position. After another one-night stand, in the midst of quarantine, I was fed up with all this, and I decided to go to the center of infection in my country to look for work in my profession, because Alma-Ata is No. 1 in terms of the number of progging jobs in KZ. And, fortunately, on the first try, the universe finally rewarded me for all my suffering: after solving two simple problems in programming competitions, I was immediately offered a salary that was 5 times higher than my monthly budget, on which I can easily live (about $80) , which is just a lot of money for me. Now everything in life is fine: the probationary period has been completed successfully, my parents have stopped giving each other nightmares, my older brother is already working as a copywriter at the age of 16, my younger brother at the age of 14 is actively involved in programming under my mentorship, and my little sister at the age of 8 is just a sweetheart)) I According to her behests, I’m saving up for a 4-story house with a basement, and with a separate pink room for her :) By the way, sometimes I remember about “there’s a black mark in a family” and I understand that this freak is me🤣 No matter how annoying the quote “After a bad streak is always should be white” , no matter how completely fucked up you are, know: you are not alone . Cling to the little happiness that fate has given you. I'm lucky that I at least have a family. If you don’t have this left, try to cling to future events that are close to your heart. For example, I swore that I wouldn’t die until I played Cyberpunk 2077. Cyberpunk hasn’t come out yet, but I managed to survive the depression. Now, just in case, I swore that I will not die until humanity forms a colony on the Moon, and I have a conversation with friends over tea like “On the Moon, citizens of Israel and Russia have a child. Is he a citizen of the Moon? Russia? Israel? What surname will he take? "Mother, father, or will they take something from the lunar dialect ?" If possible, seek professional help ; if not, try to take out the pain in some form. For example, I wanted to leave behind edifications for close and not so close people in the form of a work of art like “Apology for Courage” by Mircea Eliade, or “Thus Spoke Zarathustra” by Friedrich Nietzsche. A post consisting of favorite quotes, and which has already helped several people in difficult times. They say it turned out great (maybe he can help you too). I also advise you to be interested in poetry , because the necessary emotions can be obtained in the shortest possible time. Expressive reading of depressive poetry was a kind of therapy. I can share a selection of my favorite poems if anyone needs them. Stay away from alcoholTheir danger lies not only in dependence, but also in the killing of the sensitivity of happiness receptors to everything except these substances. It's been half a year since I experienced depression, but I still haven't been able to feel a bit of happiness. I know that for you this may be the only way to ease the pain, but at least try not to pester them too much. Believe me, it's not worth it. Psychology says that the basic need for happiness can be saturated in men with a sense of benefit to the family or society, and in women - by caring for a plant, animal or person. Regarding professional growth: I think a lot of posts have already been written on this subject, so I’ll just add that after studying Java Core (not too detailed, because it can lead to burnout), I advise you to immediately take up frameworks like Spring Boot and start making something the result of which can be seen not only in the IDE console. And after several projects, try to go for interviews, having prepared in advance, in order to be aware of the knowledge that needs to be improved.
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