How to become a Java programmer, not go crazy from a lot of information, fall in love with programming and live a normal, happy life?

Hello everyone, my name is Lena and I want to become a Java programmer. I made this decision in December 2015. I knew nothing about programming, not even how to declare a variable in any programming language. I didn’t know programmers, I didn’t work in an IT company, in general, there was nothing that could help me in any way. This is not a success story where I ended up getting a job as a junior programmer with great prospects, no. I'm still learning, and not everything is going smoothly. The Internet is full of inspiring posts - “everyone can program”, “old people became excellent programmers within a year”, etc. Everything is easy, fun and pleasant. I don’t know who writes these posts, but they inspired me, a naive woman. I decided that everything would be really simple and painless. Moreover, I am only 25 years old, not an old age for programming. On a wave of optimism, I bought mobile developer courses on Geekbrains and started taking 1 Java course for beginners. This course consists of 8 webinars (2 times a week) and small homework after each. Then comes the 2nd course. In total, the training lasts 2-3 months, and voila! - are you a programmer. But here comes a collision with reality. Before the course, they don’t warn you that you won’t understand more than half of what the teacher says, and this incomprehensibility will snowball. They don't tell you that in order to understand the essence of the next lesson, you need to read everything you find on the topic, watch all the videos and ask experts. What they also don’t tell you is that the course participants who will study with you on the course will be far from new to programming, people with higher education, with real experience, who will actively participate in communication at the webinar and ask smart questions, and you won’t even understand them. In general, you begin to think that there is something wrong with you, programming is not for you, nothing will work out for you, you are stupid and incapable. Although, in fact, it’s only a matter of the difference in the hours spent studying. Some people need more time, some less. But, to be honest, it doesn’t matter. If you want to program, no one can stop you! Of course, I benefited from the courses: my zero level in programming became higher, but not as much as I expected. After two courses, I decided to read books on programming. Everyone recommended Shildt and Eckel, but I started reading and became unbearably bored. I decided to try Java Rush, especially since the first 10 levels are free. I was captivated by the fact that they focus on real tasks. Finally, at least something close to what you will need to do at work!! I liked their approach - it wasn’t boring, there were some jokes along the way, at the beginning of each level there was a motivational lecture about how cool it is to be a programmer. The course directly teaches you to enjoy Java programming. I actively studied it, but since I work, it was still too slow. Then I found new book recommendations - Horstmann and Head First Java. These are very cool books!! Horstmann writes quite clearly, and I absolutely adore Head First Java - it's fun, clearly written, and uses different approaches, like pictures, to help you understand the information better. You can even read it just like that, to lift your spirits + it is written in fairly simple English, which means you can also improve your language, which is important! And then the bright spots begin, when you were able to solve a complex problem the first time or when you installed a plugin for IDEA (I’m still a girl, and I have problems installing programs). When you finally figure out how to create and use objects. This is a great time to rise. But you move on with Java Rush and gradually read literature on the topic and watch videos. When you slow down somewhere, you start watching Info JavaRush, you even register there so that someday you can ask a smart or not so smart question. Each time the topics become more complex. HashMap actually killed me - I couldn’t understand how an iterator works for 4 days, it took us a long time to find a common language with static, and StackTrace is a great joy! Motivation drops, and you continue to stew in it all alone. Nobody will hire you for a job or even an internship, because you need to know at least Java Core, and knowledge of it is oh so far away. I have no idea how to deal with incoming and outgoing streams. I don't know what serialization, multithreading, console output is. I still don't understand what an interface is. I’m generally silent about frameworks and Java EE, although this knowledge will not be superfluous at an interview. And from time to time there are moments when you think that you know at least something, for example, how to initialize a string in Java. It seems that this stage has already been passed, but then you suddenly find out that String has a lot of useful methods, for example, toCharArray(), toUpperCase(), compareTo(). And then the understanding comes: you only know the tip of the iceberg, and you don’t know much more. Why am I writing all this? Share, is everything really like that? You just need to shut up and study Java hard day and night, watch videos, read books, solve problems as much as you like. And after several months of such seclusion, life will return to normal: you will get a job, you will start communicating with other people again, you will practice more and not study completely new topics every day, you will gain confidence in your brain, and so on. Or is there some option to live like a human now, when your knowledge is still not enough to solve a problem that at least somewhat meets the requirements of the real world? I purchased an annual subscription to Java Rush and a mobile developer course on GeekBrains, but these are different directions. Java Rush can then offer a paid internship, but this is a web-based one. GeekBrains is android, objective c, swift. To get to an internship in Java Rush you need level 30, but I’m like 10! Recruitment will only begin in November, since I’m already missing August! The internship will be great - there are different people, deadlines, a mentor, when I study with someone, I have more motivation and a competitive spirit or something. But this means that you need to go through 20 levels on your own and hang out alone for another 4 months! On GeekBrains I can start learning the same Android in August, but I'm not sure if it's for me. I’m more drawn to the web, but I’m still thinking about this option (it starts in a month and there are people there). Write, who has experience, what would you do in my place? Thank you!